I want to hug my little girl

My 17 year old daughter and I have had an up and down relationship over the last couple years, but we have come to understand each other better in the past few months and I think we are finally learning to coexist. She has a a completely different personality than me, which I have learned is ok. I remind myself daily to "celebrate the differences" and try to understand her way of doing things and not try to control every situation. In turn, I think she is finally learning that I'm not the enemy and in fact, we enjoy each other.

It was her idea for us to take a yoga class together. Last night we went to yoga and being in the yoga-ish environment together was a unique and beautiful experience for this mother and daughter team who have fought so often. It felt like our hearts were opening up to each other by sharing this hour of tranquility and calm side by side in our poses. I knew this was something we could share together that would do us both good, mind and body. We bounded out of class with renewed energy and a sense of peace that we are on the right path together.

Today I let her skip school and go snowboarding with a friend. The call came mid-morning from a phone number I didn't recognize. Alicia has been hurt and the ski patrol is attending to her. She has crashed and lost consciousness. My heart begins pounding and my hands begin shaking uncontrollably. I can't even think straight. The image of her peacefully holding her yoga pose less than 24 hours ago is replaced by an image of her crumpled up and twisted in the snow. All I want to do is get to her and hold her but she is two hours away.

I am in absolute panic mode. They are transporting her to the hospital. The doctor calls me and tells me that she will call me back as soon as they can assess her. I spend an hour pacing my kitchen, loading my dishwasher but forgetting to turn it on, opening and closing the fridge not knowing what I'm doing, wiping the kitchen counters. Anything that keeps my hands busy and my mind calm. Any peacefulness that the yoga infused into me yesterday is gone, replaced by terror and worry.

I finally get the call saying that she will be all right but she definitely has injuries. She has a concussion, headache, and nausea, and abrasions on her face, a fat lip, and a bump on her head. She has no memory of the fall that she took. Thank God for the people who stopped on the mountain to help her and for the ski patrol who took care of her. I get to speak to her on the phone and her voice sounds so faint and so young. I just want to hug her. I want to be there with her but she is in the hands of strangers taking care of her. For the first time in her life, I'm not the one with her and I can only listen from afar. I can't stop crying, mainly due to the relief of knowing that she will be ok, and realizing how much worse it could have been.

Her friend is driving her back down from the mountain, and she will be home later today. I can't wait to see her beautiful face. Only a mom can understand.