Memories

My scrapbooks sit half-completed.  When my kids were little, I worked on the scrapbooks diligently, and my two daughters have several completed books.  Then my son came.  I still worked on them, but my time was spent on feedings, diaper changes, refereeing fights, playing games, toting kids here and there.  Three kids left little time for devoting my day to deluxe scrapbook pages with creative layouts and colorful labels.  Then divorce entered our lives.  For years I could not even bear to work on them.  I just didn't have the scrapbook karma.  My family was broken and I didn't know how to scrapbook those painful memories or journal thoughtful phrases of inspiration on their pages.

Years have gone by.  My kids are now 20, 18, and 13.  I pick up the boxes of pictures, school awards, varsity letters, and look through them.  Before I know it, I am lost in years and years of memories.  Sometimes I see events that I had forgot about it.  I see friends that had come and gone in my kids' lives that I wonder about now. 

These years went way too fast.  I know that everyone always tells you that when your kids are little.  "You're gonna miss this when it's gone".   It is true.  Before I could blink, my oldest daughter had gone to college.  My second one is ready to go next year.  I know this is my last school year to have her at home, and I know nothing will ever be the same.  My son will be an "only" child by the time school rolls around next year.   For all of the times that I wanted to scream because of the chaos and clutter in my home, I am now faced with the reality that the house is getting quieter with each passing day. 

My workbench is filled with the kids' childhood memories, waiting for me to start again filling their books.  I have sorted through the piles a few times, getting everything in chronological order.  It is hard, letting go of their childhoods.  Each time I peruse my stacks of memories I am stopped by the tears streaming down my cheeks. When I look at the pictures it takes me back to another place and time.  It wasn't always easy.  There were some tough times amidst the good times,  and there were times when I was bursting with pride for my kids and their accomplishments.   My most important job in the world was to be mom to these kids. These books are our lives together in words and pictures. 

I love the expression that author Anne Lamott uses:  "Bird by Bird."  I will tackle this project "Bird by Bird", one page at a time.  I will journey through infancy, preschool, grade school, middle school, and high school with my kids again. The only difference is that their faces will be looking at me and speaking to me from photos. 

I'll make sure I have the kleenex box handy.