Change

Change is a word that we hear a lot.

Embrace Change.  Change the World.  Change is Good. 

I feel like my life is changing again.  Change is not as easy as it is cracked up to be.  Even when it happens gradually, I struggle with it.  It tries to grab me, and I feel like a dog on the end of a leash, pulling back with a stubborn frown on my face.

Even when the change is something which I know will lead to other adventures, it is still hard to give up the routine, the ordinary, the customary. Life as I knew it. .

For years my life has been consumed by kid activities.  I really had no life of my own that didn't revolve around the kids.  Now that one more is leaving the nest, I find myself at a crossroads.  It has been easy to let others around me live their lives for so long and for me to play the supporting role.  It has been my norm for the past twenty plus years and I don't know any differently.

Now what do I do?  I am finding myself with more time to devote to myself and I am a bit lost. 
If I have a free day, something I have dreamed of for years, I can hardly sit down and read a book for pleasure.  I want to read, but that little voice in my head tells me that there is something I probably should be doing for the kids, and I actually feel guilty for spending time doing "nothing",so to speak.  I have to keep convincing myself that nurturing myself by reading or daydreaming is not "nothing". 

I'm just beginning to give myself permission to allow some ideas into my brain.  Thoughts are taking shape as I figure out what this new life will look like.  A little more "me" time.   A little more "us" time for Bill and I.  The thought that I might find some things to do that I will enjoy, and that the enjoyment will come from within.

Changes are a-coming.